“Known by Self-Control”
Matthew 6:1-6, 16-21
Ash Wednesday emphasizes a dual encounter: we confront our own mortality – knowing that our time on this earth is limited and that one day we will die and return to the dust, and the second encounter we have on Ash Wednesday is the call to confess our sin before God within the community of faith. We do that here, through prayer and by bearing the marks of humility and penitence.
The use of ashes as a sign of mortality and repentance has a long history in Jewish and Christian worship, and the Imposition of Ashes for many people, can be a powerful, nonverbal, and experiential way of participating in the call to repentance and reconciliation.
Matthew 6:1-6, 16-21
Ash Wednesday emphasizes a dual encounter: we confront our own mortality – knowing that our time on this earth is limited and that one day we will die and return to the dust, and the second encounter we have on Ash Wednesday is the call to confess our sin before God within the community of faith. We do that here, through prayer and by bearing the marks of humility and penitence.
The use of ashes as a sign of mortality and repentance has a long history in Jewish and Christian worship, and the Imposition of Ashes for many people, can be a powerful, nonverbal, and experiential way of participating in the call to repentance and reconciliation.
This Lent, we’re exploring the Fruits of the Spirit as a spiritual discipline. And we’re starting with self-control. I don’t have to tell you that we live in a world that rewards reaction.
But Jesus, in Matthew 6, shows us a different way. He invites us to step away from the applause of the world and into the quiet disciplines that form our hearts.
Self-Control as a Witness to God’s Love in Relationships
1. When Disagreements Arise
Not long ago, a pastor I know shared a story about a bitter division in his church. Two longtime friends—both leaders in the congregation—had a falling out over politics. One Sunday, during a church meeting, the argument escalated. They were no longer talking; they were shouting. The pastor, watching this unfold, did something unexpected. He stood up and said, “We are going to sit in silence for two minutes. No one say a word. Just listen.”
At first, it felt awkward. But as the seconds passed, something shifted. Their breathing slowed. The tension eased. And by the time the silence ended, one of the men spoke first. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I let my anger speak louder than my love for you.”
Self-control isn’t about winning an argument—it’s about preserving a relationship. It’s about saying, “I don’t need to prove my point at the cost of losing my brother, or my sister.”
Jesus himself demonstrated this when he stood before Pilate. He had every right to defend himself, to call down angels, to fight back. But instead, he remained silent. Not out of weakness, but because his mission was greater than the moment.
What if, in our own relationships, we practiced the same kind of restraint? What if we were quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry (James 1:19)?
2. When Divisions Threaten Community
Several years ago, a man named Daryl Davis, a Black jazz musician, made headlines for an incredible act of self-control.
He spent years befriending members of the Ku Klux Klan. Not arguing with them. Not shaming them. Just sitting with them, listening, sharing meals, and asking one simple question: “How can you hate me if you don’t even know me?”
Over time, his patience and self-control melted their hatred. More than 200 Klan members left the organization because of their friendship with him. And when asked how he did it, he simply said, “I controlled myself. I let love and respect lead the way.”
Friends, this is what it means to show God’s love through self-control. When we refuse to let division win, when we choose patience over retaliation, we are showing the world the love of God in action.
3. When We Are Wronged
There’s an old saying: “Don’t wrestle with pigs—you both get dirty, but the pig enjoys it.”
The world will tell us that when we are wronged, we need to fight back. But Jesus calls us to a different path:
It’s easy to think that self-control is about holding back—and it is, to a point. We don’t indulge our reactionary desires. However, mature self-control, one that’s rooted in the grace and love of Christ, is just as much about leaning in. It’s about choosing grace instead of grudge. It’s remembering the words of Jesus on the cross, “Father forgive them, for they do not know what they’re doing.”
The Spiritual Practice of Self-Control
Self-control isn’t something we just "decide" to have—it’s something we practice.
Jesus says in Matthew 6 that our spiritual disciplines—prayer, fasting, giving—are what shape us. They are like training before the game, rehearsing before the performance.
Lent is our training ground. What if, this season, we fasted not just from food, but from impulsiveness. What if we fasted from resentment - or from the need to always be right. Or the desperate need to always have the last word?
Self-Control as Love in Action
This Lent, what if we committed to one act of self-control in our relationships?
Imagine a world where Christians were known not for their arguments, but for their love.
Because self-control is not weakness—it is power that’s surrendered to the will of God.
“God you are the potter, I am the dust of the ground - worked into moldable clay - to become a vessel of your love.”
And when we live this way, we show the world what the love of God really looks like. Amen.
- A social media post makes us angry? We become a keyboard warrior and fire back instantly.
- Someone offends us? We cut them out of our lives and talk trash about them behind their back.
- A disagreement arises? We dig in our heels, trying to prove our ill-informed perspective, even in the face of irrefutable facts, instead of pursuing common ground and understanding.
But Jesus, in Matthew 6, shows us a different way. He invites us to step away from the applause of the world and into the quiet disciplines that form our hearts.
- When we pray in secret, we learn to listen before we speak.
- When we fast, we remind ourselves that not every craving needs to be fed.
- When we give in secret, we practice loving without expecting a return.
Self-Control as a Witness to God’s Love in Relationships
1. When Disagreements Arise
Not long ago, a pastor I know shared a story about a bitter division in his church. Two longtime friends—both leaders in the congregation—had a falling out over politics. One Sunday, during a church meeting, the argument escalated. They were no longer talking; they were shouting. The pastor, watching this unfold, did something unexpected. He stood up and said, “We are going to sit in silence for two minutes. No one say a word. Just listen.”
At first, it felt awkward. But as the seconds passed, something shifted. Their breathing slowed. The tension eased. And by the time the silence ended, one of the men spoke first. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I let my anger speak louder than my love for you.”
Self-control isn’t about winning an argument—it’s about preserving a relationship. It’s about saying, “I don’t need to prove my point at the cost of losing my brother, or my sister.”
Jesus himself demonstrated this when he stood before Pilate. He had every right to defend himself, to call down angels, to fight back. But instead, he remained silent. Not out of weakness, but because his mission was greater than the moment.
What if, in our own relationships, we practiced the same kind of restraint? What if we were quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry (James 1:19)?
2. When Divisions Threaten Community
Several years ago, a man named Daryl Davis, a Black jazz musician, made headlines for an incredible act of self-control.
He spent years befriending members of the Ku Klux Klan. Not arguing with them. Not shaming them. Just sitting with them, listening, sharing meals, and asking one simple question: “How can you hate me if you don’t even know me?”
Over time, his patience and self-control melted their hatred. More than 200 Klan members left the organization because of their friendship with him. And when asked how he did it, he simply said, “I controlled myself. I let love and respect lead the way.”
Friends, this is what it means to show God’s love through self-control. When we refuse to let division win, when we choose patience over retaliation, we are showing the world the love of God in action.
3. When We Are Wronged
There’s an old saying: “Don’t wrestle with pigs—you both get dirty, but the pig enjoys it.”
The world will tell us that when we are wronged, we need to fight back. But Jesus calls us to a different path:
- “Turn the other cheek” (Matthew 5:39).
- “Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you” (Matthew 5:44).
- “Forgive seventy times seven times” (Matthew 18:22).
It’s easy to think that self-control is about holding back—and it is, to a point. We don’t indulge our reactionary desires. However, mature self-control, one that’s rooted in the grace and love of Christ, is just as much about leaning in. It’s about choosing grace instead of grudge. It’s remembering the words of Jesus on the cross, “Father forgive them, for they do not know what they’re doing.”
The Spiritual Practice of Self-Control
Self-control isn’t something we just "decide" to have—it’s something we practice.
Jesus says in Matthew 6 that our spiritual disciplines—prayer, fasting, giving—are what shape us. They are like training before the game, rehearsing before the performance.
- When we fast, we learn to say no to immediate gratification so we can say yes to what truly matters.
- When we pray, we develop the habit of pausing before responding.
- When we give in secret, we train our hearts to love without needing recognition.
Lent is our training ground. What if, this season, we fasted not just from food, but from impulsiveness. What if we fasted from resentment - or from the need to always be right. Or the desperate need to always have the last word?
Self-Control as Love in Action
This Lent, what if we committed to one act of self-control in our relationships?
- When we’re tempted to react in anger—pause.
- When division arises—choose understanding.
- When we are wronged—respond with patient grace.
Imagine a world where Christians were known not for their arguments, but for their love.
Because self-control is not weakness—it is power that’s surrendered to the will of God.
“God you are the potter, I am the dust of the ground - worked into moldable clay - to become a vessel of your love.”
And when we live this way, we show the world what the love of God really looks like. Amen.
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